"say what you think. love who you love"

"..kiss lots of boys or kiss lots of girls if that's something you're into..."

Kacey Musgraves, you wonderful soul, you. It's good to know that more and more artists are becoming more comfortable with singing about love. Yep. love. love is love.

If you are not comfortable with reading about my stance on "gay" marriage and why I think we just need to call it all "marriage" because that's what it is, then you need to stop right now and leave me alone because I don't want to see or hear it. 

I'm so flabbergasted by this notion of human beings banning other human beings from getting married. It's one hundred times easier for straight couples to divorce than it is for same sex couples to get married, and that sickens me. Divorce is what it is, and things don't work out between people. It's fine! That's just life. Nothing is perfect. but isn't it messed up that I can get married to a guy I just met tomorrow no problem and then divorce him in 75 days, but one of my best friends can't marry the guy he loves and has been with for years, all because he's a guy who loves a guy....? 

I don't know. MAYBE it's just me... but that's kind of really messed up. Like I can't explain how sick all of this makes me. Every day you're hearing something new about Anti-LGBT laws, or about states not making any progress on their same-sex marriage laws. [Then again, we're also hearing about how LOTS of places ARE making progress. and that's a wonderful thing!]

I understand if you follow the Bible word for word and are super serious about sticking to your roots. That's great, for you. But sometimes that's not good enough. I think people should start thinking more about what's good for everyone else, too. Is it good that we're discriminating people based on who they chose to love? I don't think so.. Is it good that we're preaching to our future generations, future leaders of this country, and spreading so much hate and disrespect towards other human beings? Does that thought not make you sick to your stomach? Because it does mine. I don't know, maybe I'm too accepting of people.

I've had beliefs, that I have no interest in, shoved down my throat. I've listened to people preach to me about how I'm going to Hell because I support the "disease" that is homosexuality. Aren't you going to Hell for sinning by not loving your neighbor? DOUBLE STANDARDS, PEOPLE. it's so bad. and so, so sad. Where is the love?? The Black Eyed Peas sang it best, TEN years ago. And that song is just as relevant today as it was then. It's a beautiful song. 

My question to you is how will it directly affect you if "gay" marriage becomes widely accepted and legal in this country? How is it going to affect your heterosexual marriage? How is it going to affect your two beautiful children? How is it going to affect your job? I could go on and on. Let me answer all of those questions for me:

How is same-sex marriage going to affect my HYPOTHETICAL [because I'm not married okay] marriage? It's not going to.

How is same-sex marriage going to affect my HYPOTHETICAL two beautiful children? It's not going to.

How is same-sex marriage going to affect my job? I'd be delighted to see a same-sex couple bring a child to my place of work for me to love, and take care of, for eight hours a day.

Yeah. Ask yourself those questions. It's not like your heterosexual marriage is going to go down the drain because your neighbor and his partner get married. and if it does, then you seeeeerrrriously need to get your priorities straight. and get new hobbies. take up knitting or something. please. 

Stop being so rude to people. Stop spreading hate. Stop acting like the world is going to end if same-sex marriage is widely legalized. Just stop. 

Open up your eyes. Open up your mind.. Open up your heart. 

It'll do you some good.

"instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity, lack of understanding, leading us away from unity..." 

xoxo

My major in college was not picking a major

because it took leaving college to actually decide what I want to "do with my life" 

So I know I'm not someone who's been in college for ten years, and I'm not someone who's been out of college for ten years working in their chosen field. But all of these statuses from my friends about starting their last semester in college (CONGRATULATIONS BY THE WAY I LOVE YOU ALL AND GOOD LUCK!!!) have got me thinking..

After graduation from high school I went to RU annnd then I scooted over to VT to try and see if that would help me any. It didn't. Not because I don't like RU or VT. They are both absolutely wonderful schools, not to mention have beautiful campuses and stellar faculty. I met some really awesome people and had a great time at both places, learning new things and going on new adventures. I switched my major several times over those two and a half years of total time that I was actually in class and I wasn't ever happy. I thought I liked what I was doing. Theatre is the exception, but I liked the idea of doing everything else. I liked the idea of being a middle school history teacher. I liked the idea of working in a hotel for the rest of my life, etc. Now with theatre I just loved it all, but it wasn't something that I want to fully commit the rest of my life to. and that's as honest as I can be. I want to have the opportunity to work on shows, of course! I just don't want to feel obligated to.

The first time I left school, it was just for a semester, and I was working for the Barter Theatre Cafe. It was a blast, honestly. That was when I was trying to stick to my theatre roots - and hometown roots! I got to see shows at the Barter for free, talk to active actors and techies on a daily basis.. I even had a personal interview with the casting director and she told me I looked just like Judy Garland. It made my life. I had so much fun. I was happy, but I wasn't about to spend the rest of my life there. Sure, I've dreamed about being on stage at the Barter - more like I dream about being on stage every time I see a show there. I'm not kidding. While watching 9 to 5, I wanted to be Judy. In Avenue Q I wanted to be Kate Monster.. While watching Legally Blonde, the part of Paulette (gasp, not Elle!?) was just calling my name. You get the picture. I was just fun. I really don't know where this point is going now... It was fun watching the shows and just kind of soaking it all in.. but that wasn't good enough for me.

The second time I left school, after spring semester 2013, I somehow landed this job at a daycare. Honestly at first it was just a job "to pay the bills." Because let's be real, at some point, the root of us wanting a job is so that we can have money to be alive. This was my first "real" job working with kids. Yeah, I've been a high school color guard instructor for going on three years now - look at me go! But that's high schoolers. Next to that, the closest thing I've done, other than babysitting, has been spending a few summers working for VBS. That was it.

My mom's a teacher. So you can imagine there have been times that I felt like I wanted to be a teacher just because she is.. but over the last year, I've learned that it's because it's what I actually want to do. I love working with kids. All kids. Babies, three year olds, pre schoolers, elementary school aged kids.. ha, even my high schoolers. Hey sophomores, just let it sink in that I'm at least six years older than you.. Wow okay that's weird. ANYWAY. I have fun with my job. and now I can't wait to go back to college and get a degree in something that I officially know that I want to do.

So if you're a senior in college who's getting ready to graduate this year, congratulations! I wish I could have been like you.... and if you're a freshman in college who thought you knew what you wanted to do, but now you have absolutely no idea because nothing seems appealing, just hang in there. You'll figure something out... it might be two years from now... or maybe it'll be thirty years from now.

Just don't settle.

xoxo

22, not married, not engaged, not in a relationship.... with anyone other than my cat.

"Your life sucks because you're not married like me!" "Actually no." 

'Tis the season for being judged based on your marital, or lack thereof, status, am I right? 

A few weeks ago I came across a Facebook status that someone had posted. I read the status. and then in the days following, that stuff spread like a plague. I started seeing posts on buzzfeed and thought catalog about all of the reasons why it's great to be 23 and married, or ones talking about the 100's of things you have to do before you get married, or reasons why it's great to be 25 and not married. It all seemed to come out of nowhere. 

My thoughts on all of that? Well, I'm 22, so no, I'm not old. I've been in several relationships, ranging in ones that were three months long, to one that I was in for four years. I've felt like the happiest girl in the world with a guy, and I've also felt like the worst person in the world. We all go through those feelings. That's how you find out things about other people and about yourself. Which, I think it's really important that you find your place with a person. If you're miserable, don't be with them. Who's forcing you? Sure, it's nice always having that person you can depend on in that kind of situation... but it's also nice having cats to cuddle with and a nice book to read on your kindle. Because even though your cat, or dog, might hate you sometimes, they'll always love you and want to cuddle, on their terms, of course. They'll also be there to look at you like they're judging you really harshly, but that's okay too.

If you're my age, or younger or older, and you're happily engaged or married to someone, you have no idea how much respect I have for you. Really. I admire you for making those kind of commitments, as long as you truly are the happiest you think you'll ever be. I love that you've found love. I've been in love, and it's a great feeling.... but it sucks when things turn for the worst and the person you thought you loved starts to become a stranger, or starts to bring you down. It happens to everyone. 

I'm happy if you're ridiculously head over heels for this person that you want to spend the rest of your life, but....

I'm not happy when you start throwing judgments at me for not being any of that, yet. If you're happy with this person then great!! Be happy with that person and get off of social media. If someone posts something negative regarding your life choices, guess what? It doesn't matter. That's what they think, so good for them! Like everything I post on this blog is what I think. I don't care if everyone in the world disagrees with me. But I'm still going to post it because I feel like it. 

I'm happy where I am right now. We all have reasons for being with, or not being with someone. One day I hope I'll be ridiculously in love with someone who feels the same way about me. One day I'll have my dream, or at least something close to it, wedding, and have a little spawn of myself. But right now I'm happily single and you're happily, well, whatever you are. Just know that I want the best for you. I'm not bitter or jealous. I never will be. Even if I'm a 50 year old pre-school teacher who comes home to five cats and the only guy who calls me is Randy from Chase Visa.. 

I'll find my way like you found yours. So all of that being said, be happy doing whatever. That's all I talk about isn't it? Being happy with yourself... well if you're not happy with yourself then have a glass of wine, or cup of coffee, and decide what you need to do to be happy. No one shouldn't be happy.

xoxo

So who cares if it's Tuesday and I'm pouring $4 merlot into a coffee mug. Maybe I had a long day;

okay, I know it's not Tuesday.. but that's not the point. 

Life is hard sometimes. We're faced with decisions, big and small, every day. Sometimes you have to make decisions like if you should really order that $12 pizza because you have your rent due tomorrow and you have ramen in the kitchen, or if that $50 pair of shoes is really worth it. Or, you know, like if you should suck it up and throw out another $15,000 that you're going to have to pay back in student loans on another semester studying a major you think you want to spend the rest of your life doing. 

I mentioned in my last post that there's this pressure for everyone out of high school to go to college for four, five, or even eight years, to get a degree in something that's going to make you a lot of money. Well, after graduation I applied to two schools and was denied one because of an ACT math score (SO rude, right?!) and I had originally wanted to study wildlife sciences because I love animals. They're so cool! I had fun taking a class on them in high school and it was really interesting, but who am I kidding. I'm terrible at really hard biology, chemistry in general, and math - don't get me started on being bad at math. Well, after being accepted to RU I decided to switch to elementary education. I was in that major for maybe a few weeks before I considered special education, then I thought about secondary education with a focus in history, and then I just looked at a major in history... and THEN I finally switched to theatre after a big change in my life (I'm sure that story will come in another post in the future.) 

Well, it was over Thanksgiving break during my Sophomore year at Radford that I started to second guess if I really wanted to be at Radford. Things were going okay that semester, but that was it, just okay. I wasn't sure that I was as happy as I could have been. So, while I was at home with my family, I decided to take a risk and be super honest with them. I told them how I felt about being unsure about being where I was, and that one of my options was to leave for a semester. At first I could't imagine telling my mom that. I was almost positive that they would have something against it. But much to my surprise, everyone in my family was super supportive of my decision to move back home and find a full time job (I'm a lucky girl, blessed with wonderful family, I know!) 

So that's what I did. I left Radford and moved home to Damascus and got a job working at the Cafe at The Barter Theatre. I had so much fun working there and living home. I got to see shows for free, spend time with and meet some absolutely wonderful people, and go to some cool places. It was a really nice break. And on that break, I mustered up the courage to re-apply to Virginia Tech, and well what do ya know, I ended up getting accepted this time around. I was the happiest girl in the world, because VT always has, and always will, hold a special place in my heart (I wear my mom's VT class ring every day now, for goodness sake!) So in the fall of 2012 I started back at VT as a theatre major, and I really enjoyed myself. And then in January I was like "I think I want to be a Hospitality and Tourism Management major!" I really think I just pulled an Elle Woods and woke up one morning and thought that. Because while I loved the intro to HTM class and liked the idea of doing that, I really didn't like the classes it took to get the major (Business classes.... baaad news for me. Econ = a definite fail. Why? because math.) 

So, over this past summer, of 2013, something happened and I was forced with a decision: do I frantically find a way to make it possible for me to continue taking classes at VT, or do I just not worry about it and take yet another amount of time off to figure things out. So my decision was to take time off, again. (Yes, you read that right. All of you people who've asked me how my semester went - I haven't been in school since May. awkward!) And yet again, my family was super supportive of my difficult decision. It was really hard, because after finally being accepted to my dream school, I was put in a situation that was forcing me to decide - and fast.

In the end, I think the decision was 100% in my best interest. I'm not saying that leaving VT, specifically, was best for me. But taking the time to figure out what I really like was. I landed a job at a daycare and now I know that I want to pursue a lifetime investment in taking care/teaching other people's children (and my own someday.) It's really nice.

So.. allllll this being said, if your decision is something along the lines of buying the $10 bottle of wine vs the $4 bottle, or going to Kabuki rather than Applebee's, or whether you should stress and possibly ruin your semester or just leave, just do what you think will be best for you. The people who really support you will be there for you.. and the rest.... well, they'll probably be annoyed but who cares? It's all about you..... or... me in my case. 

xoxo

"20 Things to Do in Your 20's"

"20 Things to Know if You're in Your 20's"

"20 Mistakes to Avoid Making in Your 20's"

... The list just goes on and on. The internet is obsessed with "twentysomethings" and it's kind of weird, honestly. As a twentysomething - a twenty-two year old, to be more specific, I'm getting kind of tired of people telling me all of these things I need to do before I'm 30. 

What if things don't change and I go into my 30's the way I am right now; single. Or what if I find someone but in our 40's we realize that it's not going to work out. Do I have to stop dating, having that "one night that I'll never forget," going to dinner by myself, not regretting things, or taking risks, etc. just because I'm not a twentysomething anymore? 

Where did this sudden obsession come from? Everyone who is anyone wants to give us 20+ year olds advice all of the damn time, and while I appreciate it, I'd like to just enjoy having the "freedom" to do what I want without having anyone telling me what I should and shouldn't do. Let me make mistakes because that's one of the best ways to learn. Let me make my own decisions. 

And making my own decisions brings up another point. Going through high school I felt like there was a pressure to do one of two things upon graduating high school: go to college or join the Army. There wasn't an inbetween. We grow up under this impression that you're going to be a total failure if you don't get that degree. And don't worry, you can't just get ANY degree. You need one that's going to get you money. It's sad, if you ask me. There's a pressure to be successful. 

Well I've got news for you; 

In high school I was a pretty big "overachiever" as some people might say. I auditioned for every single musical and was cast - in a lead/supporting role for two of the four years, I was in the marching band for all four years, my junior year I was the color guard captain and my senior year I was a drum major. For two years I was on the science MACC team. I was in a choir almost every semester of high school, in the "top" Chamber Ensemble for my last two years. I participated in All County and All District choir countless times - my senior year I was one of the top 15 Alto 1's in the District. I had solos in things like Night on Broadway. I auditioned for plays. I had a lot of friends. I got good grades..... 

and guess what? 

I've been pretty "unsuccessful" in college. And by unsuccessful I mean I'm 22 years old and while I "should" be graduating in the spring, I still haven't gotten my degree. I spent three semesters at RU, and then a year at VT. I've officially taken off almost a year and a half from school. 

But I don't think I've been unsuccessful. I just think I've learned what I do and don't want to do. That's what college is, anyway. Finding out that you don't want to be that wildlife science major that you thought you wanted to be, or realizing that you really don't want to be stuck in an office, behind a desk, for the rest of your life. Who cares if you're not graduating with the people you were "supposed" to graduate with. At least you're not going to be miserable. So if you want to take that semester off and figure your life out, do it!! It's healthy for you. Because that's what I did! I've taken a year off school and I've found out what I really want to do with my life.

I thought I wanted to be a theatre major. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the theatre and appreciate every last thing about the field. It's a tough field. It takes a lot of determination, dedication, self-control, and passion for the lifestyle. You've got to be willing to take chances, and sometimes even ending up with whatever it is, there may not be pay.

But no, while I love everything about theatre, my real passion lies with working with kids. I grew up knowing good and well that people would think that I want to be a teacher/work with kids all because my mom is a teacher. That's not the reason. It could have influenced me, sure. My mother is one of the most selfless, loving, and driven teachers that I know (I might be a little biased!) I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree. By taking a year off, I've been able to get a full time job working at a daycare, and I've never been happier to see those kids every day. They make me happy. They make me feel like I'm really doing something good, and I'm good at doing it. I like helping others. I love taking to their parents every morning. And I consider myself very lucky to have finally discovered all of that.

So what's my advice for all of you twentysomethings?

Do what you want. Make yourself happy. Hang out with your friends, have that extra glass of wine just because it's Monday, watch that really bad movie on Netflix, go to that bar that you said you would never go to.... or don't do any of that!! The beautiful thing about life is that you've got options, and you should take advantage of that!

And that's all I've got to say about that..... Sorry. This is my first "real" blog post. And it's probably really jumbled and sporadic, and for that I apologize. I'm listening to Lorde, so I'm just kind of writing...

xoxo