Why I Marched

Hi, that's me, and I attended one of the Women's March on Washington's sister marches yesterday, in Roanoke, VA. I made a sign, I wore a white blazer, and I wore my Ruth Bader Ginsburg shirt - which my boyfriend found at Goodwill. I had one of the best experiences of my life. It was my first protest, and I can confidently say that it will not be my last. To quote Barack Obama, I am fired up and ready to go. 

I have a lot of thoughts on yesterday, we all have a lot of thoughts on yesterday. Yesterday happened, just as Friday happened, and there's no denying the significance, whether you are ready to accept that or not. Yesterday is going into the history books, and I'm so proud that I was able to get out and make my voice heard. I'm about to share some of those thoughts, and I'm probably going to ramble on, so I understand if you close out of the page four sentences from now. I just needed to put my thoughts out here. 

I marched yesterday for myself, for my mother, for my sister, for my father, for my best friend, for my other best friend, I probably even marched for you, and you don't even know it. I marched yesterday to make sure that the new administration knows that I expect them to uphold the Constitution of the United States, I marched yesterday to make sure that our new administration knows that I expect them to treat every American equally, regardless of gender identity, race, disability, financial status, marital status, personal choice, cultural background, level of education, the list really does go on and on. 

I am one hundred percent aware of the privilege that I have in this country over many others. I am a twenty-five year old college educated white woman. I will never understand what many people go through in this country day by day, but I want them to know that I am here to stand with them to ensure that the new president of the United States upholds his oath of protecting the Constitution and every single amendment.  

The new president of the United States has made some comments over the course of his life in the public eye. We all make comments that we regret, I've made some very recently, and I have acknowledged that they were wrong. I have admitted to my mistakes. The new president of the United States has not, not in a way that makes me believe that he is going to work to protect my rights. I want to believe that he will, I truly do, but he hasn't lead me to believe otherwise. That disturbs me, and if it doesn't disturb you, I really don't know what to say. I wish I did. I guess I would say, think about your friends and family, and the people you cherish the most in life, and ask yourself if it disturbs them, and if you find that it may, maybe try and understand why it does so. Ask them why, and please, please, respect what they have to say, and listen. You may learn something new about them, and you will quite possibly understand them better. 

I cannot describe the amount of love I felt yesterday. I was surrounded by so many freakin awesome people, people of every gender and every race and every age! It was amazing. I walked away feeling like I had actually accomplished something really great. I walked away feeling like something new was happening, and I'm still so excited to see where this goes.

I woke up the morning of November 9th, after very little sleep, upset. I was up until 2:30 am. I couldn't take my eyes off of my television. I cried myself to sleep because I felt betrayed by my country. My heart was broken. I cried that morning. I didn't know how to cope with these emotions that I'm not sure I had ever felt before. I could not believe that someone with such a terrible attitude about everyone but himself could be voted into the highest office a person can hold in this country. I did NOT cry because Hillary didn't win. I was NOT upset because Hillary didn't win. My emotions were NOT about Hillary Clinton. Had any of the other Republican candidates won, or just literally anyone, I would not have felt the way that I did. I would not have felt so violated by my country. 

I have been violated by men, men who thought they could grab me just because I was there. I would not feel comfortable in the presence of the new president of the United States, just as I do not feel comfortable in the presence of the men who have violated me. Go on, tell me to get over it. I would say that's easy for you to say, but I don't know your life or your story. 

I needed yesterday so much more than I thought I did. Yesterday was so much more than what it looked like. We are not whining, we are not complaining. We are letting our voice be heard. We are making sure that the world knows that we will not accept anything less than equality in this country FOR ALL. All eyes are on our country, and while I wish so much I could travel the world and advocate for the rights of women and everyone else in every country, I can't do that right now. Maybe someday I can, I'd like to think that I could, I need to explore more ways that I can do that now. But I need to start in the country where I lay my head down at night. Because if my rights are taken away, I sure as hell won't be able to help make sure that the rights of those in other countries are protected. So don't call me out for that, give me time to figure it out. 

I believe in a woman's right to choose. I believe in every human's right to marry, regardless of the sex of their partner. I believe in equal pay. I believe in the right to affordable health care, without the right to discriminate based on what one might think of as a pre-existing condition, like being a woman. I believe in art and journalism free of ridiculous government censorship. I believe in climate change. I believe in science. I believe in LGBT adoption rights. I believe in health insurance providers offering free birth control. I believe in free public education. I believe in religious freedom, but I do believe that businesses, especially public, should not be able to discriminate based on a person's differing status, religion, sexual orientation, wealth, etc. 

As a future public educator, I will be teaching kids from every single walk of life. As a future public educator I will not be allowed to discriminate against a student simply because they are different from me, so why should anywhere else in this country be any different.

What is the big deal? I don't understand. But I understand why I marched yesterday, and if you happen to have read this far, congratulations, and I hope you at least kind of understand why I did too. You don't have to agree, none of us have to agree. I just needed to share my thoughts. 

why I'm still, and always will be, a Hokie

This post is kind of more for the newer people in my life, newer meaning we've only known each other for a year or two. At this point everyone knows that I'm a local, while I moved around a lot when I was younger and my hometown is a little under two hours down the road, I can now say that I've spent the majority of my life living in or around Christiansburg and Blacksburg.

I spent a year as a student at Virginia Tech, and I know that there were people from Radford who threw shade at me for transferring because of the negative stigma that some people at Radford hold against VT. I know for a fact that the bad vibes come from students from both universities and people throw shade at each other left and right, especially on yik yak. I've had people make comments to me or around me about both places, and it irritates the crap out of me because both VT and Radford hold such special places in my heart, and sorry RU, but especially the Virginia Tech campus.

I don't care if you don't like their football team. I don't care if you think that Hokie stone is ugly, or if you think that they're just overall "overrated" or whatever. I don't want you to like any of those things for me. My mom graduated from VT, I grew up going to Hokie football games and spending nice spring days at the duck pond. I've had several friends attend and I've visited. I love downtown Blacksburg. Not to mention the year that I spent as a student there completely immersing myself in the camaraderie that exists among the student body.

All I want you to do is respect what this community, and what April 16, 2007 means to me. I spent that day on lockdown at school because of our close proximity. I walked past a classroom with the television on, the news organization parading the number of wounded across the bottom. I know people who were on campus that day. I don't expect you to understand my feelings associated with that day, or why I felt like I was in the safest place in the world when I stood in front of Burruss Hall at the first candlelight vigil only days later.

All I ask is that the act of Hokies Respect is mirrored across all communities and that no matter the size of the tragedy, we come together to remind each other that not all hope is lost.

"The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities..."

why I do what I do

Last summer I went to my cousin's wedding. When you're around family and you're in your twenties, people love to ask you what you are, or what you want to do with your life. Last summer was when I had finally decided what I really want to do. I was approached by someone and asked, and when I said that I wanted to teach theatre I was honestly a little surprised by the response that I was given, mostly because the response came from a fellow educator. As a side note I have this image in my head that all of us educators need to stick together. She said "oh, but you need a back up." to which I reminded her that the masters I want is in k-12 education so my options should be pretty open, and she went on to tell me that I should get certified in English or history.

I would be the worst English teacher. I can write the crap out of a paper, but I'm a terrible reader. I love reading articles and books that I'm actually interested in, but I could never spend my nights reading papers and awful books recommended by the public education system. First of all, I would roll my eyes at the sometimes terrible grammar - I'm no grammar nazi myself! I actually think I use too many commas..  and I would just hate my life. So why the heck would I want to be certified to teach English.

I'm tired of being told that what I love to do isn't worthy or isn't a real thing. I spent the last year of my four year high school relationship being told that theatre is just a hobby and that I needed to pursue a "real job" in order to support my relationship in the long run so that my counterpart at the time could pursue what he liked to do because it was more "practical" that what I wanted to do. People might wonder why I get so defensive when I talk about what I want to do, so now you know why. I spent years being told that I would never get a real job doing what I love to do so I should settle. 

Well I'll have you know that I'm not settling, and I'd like to think that I've been perfectly successful not doing so. I'll graduate in the fall with my undergrad in theatre with experience in a number of different things. I can't wait to expose students to the reality of stage management and design, two things that I had never dreamed about doing until college. In high school it was all about the performance, and it was so fun at the time, but it's not my thing anymore. Then again, I wouldn't just call myself a designer or a stage manager, either. I'd like to think that I'm a melting pot of all of the wonderful things that make theatre worth pursuing. Now, I can't light design worth anything, but I could at least introduce a student to a basic concept. 

All I want to do is influence one life over the course of mine. If I can at least help one student decide that the theatre is worth pursuing then I will feel like I've done my service. If I could help a hundred students then even better, but dream big, am I right? 

Then again, why is it such a big dream? How much does the entertainment industry influence your life? Do you watch television? Do you watch Netflix? Guess what, without theatre you would be staring at the wall. The theatre is important, and I want to devote my life to teaching it. 

No, I don't think I'll be the best teacher ever. I don't want recognition for anything. I just want to be happy doing what I love to do. And I want people to stop telling me that I should do something different. I think you should support me. When I tell you what I'm doing with my life, all I want you to say is "oh, that's great." That's literally it. I don't want to hear what I "should" do. I don't think anyone should have to hear that. 

"The stage is not merely the meeting place of all the arts, but is also the return of art to life". -- Oscar Wilde

because this is too long for a facebook status

It's so interesting, going back and reading through the five posts I made in January/February 2014. Some of my feelings are exactly the same, and some have taken a turn in the opposite direction:

• I'm not pursuing a degree in early childhood education; I'm finishing my undergraduate degree in theatre and planning on getting my MAT in Theatre Education k-12 beginning May 2017.
• I'm not working with small children anymore; I'm a shop assistant in a costume shop, mostly building costumes for the musical, and a painter in the scene shop for the musical. 
• I'm also no longer single, and am oh so very happy in a relationship.

I'm the happiest I've ever been. Knowing exactly what I want to do and where I want to go is a great feeling, and I don't even want to go far away. If I'm being honest, I want to stay right here. Someone would probably tell me that I could make a difference anywhere, so why not make a difference right here? The idea of getting out of this place - the New River Valley to be exact, is awesome for some people, but not for me. I'd love to vacation out of the area, but I truly believe that I'm meant to do something here. I've tried to leave and something has always brought me back. 

The best part about that is my decision to stay here has every bit to do with me. Plenty of people and things have influenced the decision but no one else has made that decision for me. I've found a passion for theatre education and keeping the arts alive and I want to pursue that passion right here in SWVA. If all I do is influence one kid over the course of my entire life, I will feel like I've succeeded. I don't need an award or recognition from my superiors for my work and sometimes I feel sorry for people who live that way. 

It's also great because my relationship didn't make this decision for me. I have to say that I have the most wonderful and loving and supportive boyfriend in the world. Our relationship isn't perfect, but it's exactly what I need and it's a plus that he meshes so well with my friends. He's the one I want to talk to at the end of the day, but our relationship doesn't define who I am as a person, or my success - which brings me to another point...

I'm so confused why people let their marital status define who they are or let a relationship or lack of mean they're successful or not. People say society pressures women into relationships but I actually feel the exact opposite because you always hear about how boring "settling" is. Being single doesn't make you more successful. Being married doesn't make you happier. And if other people thinking either of those things about you are that big of a deal then I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm in a happy, stable relationship and I would consider myself to be fairly successful. 

I could go on about defining success and what I've accomplished so far this year, or I could stop typing and save that for another day because this is a lot to read and I don't want to bore you with some post from a 24 year old almost college graduate who wants to spend her life in a high school.

until next time...

list of things I learned while spending ten days with complete strangers who've turned into great friends

• People are supportive
• Humility is not lost
• Nature is wonderful
• A lack of cell phone service surprisingly doesn't take that long to get used to
• Hiking is so refreshing
• I'm really good at learning people's names fairly quickly
• Jumping off of a 40ft pole is exhilarating (with a harness, of course)
• The stars are beautiful
• Sweat is so normal
• Spiders aren't really that bad
• I'm extremely ticklish between my toes
• Bee stings suck
• Sometimes you have to accept the fact that crocs are all that are gonna fit your feet because of said bee sting
• Laughter is so important, but sometimes so is crying
• I've missed singing with a group
• Faith is a wonderful thing if you choose to believe, but so is making your own decision on what you choose to believe
• The smell of a campfire makes me feel at home
• Climbing a wall with no rope is the hardest thing I've ever done, but with people who were once complete strangers pushing me up and pulling me over, it was completely doable
• You're never too old to pass notes to a friend
• Summer camp is pretty cool
• Also SQUAD!

"say what you think. love who you love"

"..kiss lots of boys or kiss lots of girls if that's something you're into..."

Kacey Musgraves, you wonderful soul, you. It's good to know that more and more artists are becoming more comfortable with singing about love. Yep. love. love is love.

If you are not comfortable with reading about my stance on "gay" marriage and why I think we just need to call it all "marriage" because that's what it is, then you need to stop right now and leave me alone because I don't want to see or hear it. 

I'm so flabbergasted by this notion of human beings banning other human beings from getting married. It's one hundred times easier for straight couples to divorce than it is for same sex couples to get married, and that sickens me. Divorce is what it is, and things don't work out between people. It's fine! That's just life. Nothing is perfect. but isn't it messed up that I can get married to a guy I just met tomorrow no problem and then divorce him in 75 days, but one of my best friends can't marry the guy he loves and has been with for years, all because he's a guy who loves a guy....? 

I don't know. MAYBE it's just me... but that's kind of really messed up. Like I can't explain how sick all of this makes me. Every day you're hearing something new about Anti-LGBT laws, or about states not making any progress on their same-sex marriage laws. [Then again, we're also hearing about how LOTS of places ARE making progress. and that's a wonderful thing!]

I understand if you follow the Bible word for word and are super serious about sticking to your roots. That's great, for you. But sometimes that's not good enough. I think people should start thinking more about what's good for everyone else, too. Is it good that we're discriminating people based on who they chose to love? I don't think so.. Is it good that we're preaching to our future generations, future leaders of this country, and spreading so much hate and disrespect towards other human beings? Does that thought not make you sick to your stomach? Because it does mine. I don't know, maybe I'm too accepting of people.

I've had beliefs, that I have no interest in, shoved down my throat. I've listened to people preach to me about how I'm going to Hell because I support the "disease" that is homosexuality. Aren't you going to Hell for sinning by not loving your neighbor? DOUBLE STANDARDS, PEOPLE. it's so bad. and so, so sad. Where is the love?? The Black Eyed Peas sang it best, TEN years ago. And that song is just as relevant today as it was then. It's a beautiful song. 

My question to you is how will it directly affect you if "gay" marriage becomes widely accepted and legal in this country? How is it going to affect your heterosexual marriage? How is it going to affect your two beautiful children? How is it going to affect your job? I could go on and on. Let me answer all of those questions for me:

How is same-sex marriage going to affect my HYPOTHETICAL [because I'm not married okay] marriage? It's not going to.

How is same-sex marriage going to affect my HYPOTHETICAL two beautiful children? It's not going to.

How is same-sex marriage going to affect my job? I'd be delighted to see a same-sex couple bring a child to my place of work for me to love, and take care of, for eight hours a day.

Yeah. Ask yourself those questions. It's not like your heterosexual marriage is going to go down the drain because your neighbor and his partner get married. and if it does, then you seeeeerrrriously need to get your priorities straight. and get new hobbies. take up knitting or something. please. 

Stop being so rude to people. Stop spreading hate. Stop acting like the world is going to end if same-sex marriage is widely legalized. Just stop. 

Open up your eyes. Open up your mind.. Open up your heart. 

It'll do you some good.

"instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity, lack of understanding, leading us away from unity..." 

xoxo

My major in college was not picking a major

because it took leaving college to actually decide what I want to "do with my life" 

So I know I'm not someone who's been in college for ten years, and I'm not someone who's been out of college for ten years working in their chosen field. But all of these statuses from my friends about starting their last semester in college (CONGRATULATIONS BY THE WAY I LOVE YOU ALL AND GOOD LUCK!!!) have got me thinking..

After graduation from high school I went to RU annnd then I scooted over to VT to try and see if that would help me any. It didn't. Not because I don't like RU or VT. They are both absolutely wonderful schools, not to mention have beautiful campuses and stellar faculty. I met some really awesome people and had a great time at both places, learning new things and going on new adventures. I switched my major several times over those two and a half years of total time that I was actually in class and I wasn't ever happy. I thought I liked what I was doing. Theatre is the exception, but I liked the idea of doing everything else. I liked the idea of being a middle school history teacher. I liked the idea of working in a hotel for the rest of my life, etc. Now with theatre I just loved it all, but it wasn't something that I want to fully commit the rest of my life to. and that's as honest as I can be. I want to have the opportunity to work on shows, of course! I just don't want to feel obligated to.

The first time I left school, it was just for a semester, and I was working for the Barter Theatre Cafe. It was a blast, honestly. That was when I was trying to stick to my theatre roots - and hometown roots! I got to see shows at the Barter for free, talk to active actors and techies on a daily basis.. I even had a personal interview with the casting director and she told me I looked just like Judy Garland. It made my life. I had so much fun. I was happy, but I wasn't about to spend the rest of my life there. Sure, I've dreamed about being on stage at the Barter - more like I dream about being on stage every time I see a show there. I'm not kidding. While watching 9 to 5, I wanted to be Judy. In Avenue Q I wanted to be Kate Monster.. While watching Legally Blonde, the part of Paulette (gasp, not Elle!?) was just calling my name. You get the picture. I was just fun. I really don't know where this point is going now... It was fun watching the shows and just kind of soaking it all in.. but that wasn't good enough for me.

The second time I left school, after spring semester 2013, I somehow landed this job at a daycare. Honestly at first it was just a job "to pay the bills." Because let's be real, at some point, the root of us wanting a job is so that we can have money to be alive. This was my first "real" job working with kids. Yeah, I've been a high school color guard instructor for going on three years now - look at me go! But that's high schoolers. Next to that, the closest thing I've done, other than babysitting, has been spending a few summers working for VBS. That was it.

My mom's a teacher. So you can imagine there have been times that I felt like I wanted to be a teacher just because she is.. but over the last year, I've learned that it's because it's what I actually want to do. I love working with kids. All kids. Babies, three year olds, pre schoolers, elementary school aged kids.. ha, even my high schoolers. Hey sophomores, just let it sink in that I'm at least six years older than you.. Wow okay that's weird. ANYWAY. I have fun with my job. and now I can't wait to go back to college and get a degree in something that I officially know that I want to do.

So if you're a senior in college who's getting ready to graduate this year, congratulations! I wish I could have been like you.... and if you're a freshman in college who thought you knew what you wanted to do, but now you have absolutely no idea because nothing seems appealing, just hang in there. You'll figure something out... it might be two years from now... or maybe it'll be thirty years from now.

Just don't settle.

xoxo